To Love Myself: Through it all

I’ve always been a sort of Pollyanna. I’m a realist but at the same time I try to always believe the best in people and assume people believe the best in what I say and do. I’m pretty real, it’s hard to hide how I feel and it’s tough to lie to someone’s face when they ask how I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong, I get that people don’t really want to hear a 15 minutes answer to “how are you?” but I’ll easily say something vague like, “OK, hanging in there” which isn’t a lie but doesn’t necessarily launch our lightweight conversation into outer space either. In the same breath I often tell people exactly what I am feeling through the pain. In the midst. I share the ugly, asking for prayer.

Here’s the thing that I’ve realized this year. Although we all have problems, pain and areas that we know need improvement, when someone is going though a great time in their life they really don’t want to hear about the crap someone else is going through. It’s not intentional, not mean-spirited but some people get overwhelmed listening to others’ problems.

Personally I don’t- if someone is going through a hard time, I can to listen to them, perhaps pray with them and then when we aren’t together, it’s on the shelf, so to speak.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve realized that I can stress others out with my reality. I don’t want to. It’s not my goal but me sharing where I am in life is kind of a downer right now to others.  I struggle sometimes with the fact I have a special needs child. I am not happy with my weight. My heart hurts for Ben who is between jobs. Money is clearly an issue. There are stresses and tensions on our marriage.

Things are looking bad, really bad on the outside right now and I’m sorry if that is hard for you to hear… but you know what? There is LIFE among the broken, blackened pieces. Grace surrounds us tightly like an embrace, keeping us standing tall. It hurts to feel sometimes, and it’s isolating as I struggle to relate and not over share,  but I know I am not alone.

I crave simple beauty, smiles from happy kids and sun kissed raindrops after a storm. I know this isn’t IT. This isn’t ALL. And I know I’m being unbelievably cheesy and that is ok. My life is evolving, unfolding and I’m growing up. I see the world for what it is, but with a chance of redemption. I’m in step, listening, seeking and asking. Thank you for being a part of my journey, your comments and e-mails are more encouraging than I can say and I’m sorry if I don’t always get back with you quickly. You are important to me.

 

  • http://www.adollopofmylife.com lindseylu

    great post! I think it’s encouraging when people share their crap– atleast I know they are real enough to not lie to my face and act like everything’s peachy.

  • Shannon @ nwaMotherlode.com

    I love that you keep it real. I agree with Lindsey that it’s encouraging when other people share, so you don’t think you’re the only one with issues! We all have different problems, yes, but we’re all striving and evolving. xox

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589041347 Laurel Druding Loh

    I too try to be real and sometimes wonder if people really want to know it. But I guess I’m going to keep on sharing – for the same reasons you do. A friend recently told me, “I’m glad to know you don’t have it all together.” My first thought was, “When did I EVER give the impression that I had it all together??” But then I must have and I don’t want to.

  • Esther Stilwell

    I love you. I love your realness. I love that you are honest about your pain while clinging to the truth.. the hope we have. You inspire me…. You can always share your pain with me. And even when there isn’t opportunity for me to listen to you, know that I think of you all the time. There was a song playing 2 days ago that I personally love; it always makes me think of you and the pain of parenthood and marriage that you’ve allowed me to glimpse – it always leads me to pray for you. “Like a Lake” by Sara Groves. We strengthen each other by not hiding. Staying open, we can also receive.
    See you soon!!!!!!!!

  • Kim

    When I ask how someone is doing, I really want to know. I want to know people. Hurt with them and rejoice with them. I wish I knew how to better convey that when I’m talking to people. I, too, love that you are real. Keep sharing girl.

  • http://thebrokins.com Jasmine

    I deeply disagree with you, in so many ways. I’ll blog about it- because that is how I roll

  • http://simplystriving.wordpress.com/ Nikki @ Simplystriving

    Oh Heidi. Thank you for being so open and sharing your heart with us.
    Who are we if we can’t be real.
    I know exactly what you’re saying. The ol’ “How are you” while fleeting moment. I’m all about giving them an opportunity to recant their question. Maybe I’ll ask “Do you really want to know?” so they’re prepared for me to be real and give them a chance to back out. You’d be surprised…..they rarely do.
    So you keep being Pollyanna. For there is a glimmer of grace in all of us. . .

    so happy I found you on twitter! am loving your posts :)

  • Heidi

    ohhh girl I can’t wait to read it! :))

  • Heidi

    Thanks so much for commenting on my blog! I really enjoyed yours too- I’m happy you found me on twitter too! :)

  • Heidi

    Thanks for commenting Kim! We need to get together- life is so insane lately and I always enjoy the fact you are real too!

  • Heidi

    it was great texting today! Thanks for the comment dear friend!

  • Heidi

    thanks so much! I really appreciate your comment- and I agree! I love it when people are REAL.

  • Xthebusynothings

    Thanks so much for the comment! I actually wrote you another comment but apparently it didn’t post.. .;/ see you tonight and thanks again!

  • Heidi

    umm I think we need to hang out sometime… I’d say go running but there is NO way I could keep up with you… hah!

  • http://www.goodairin.blogspot.com Melanie

    I try to be real but sometimes it’s just easier to smile and say “I’m fine, really.” I do it in person a lot because my husband is sick and people always ask how he is doing. I’ve taken to saying “he’s doing ok” and “it’s something we have to work through” when really I want to say “I haven’t killed him yet” and “Really, I’ve lost all faith in the medical community” and “I wish they would quit giving him the good drugs and give me some instead.” Because I think people don’t want to hear those incredibly honest statements even though sometimes I just need to say them to someone. Sorry I hijacked your comments with my whining…it’s that kind of day. I promise to be better next time :)

  • http://www.asthebunnyhops.com Amy

    Just give me a shout-out whenever we need to play The Glad Game. :)

  • Heidi

    thanks! HAH!

  • Heidi

    sorry it took me so long to get back with you! Thanks so much for your REAL answer. Yeah- people just want to hear the good it seems. I’m with you. You can while here anytime. :)