I got this rose scented candle at OLD NAVY of all surprising places and have been sniffing it every time I sit down at my computer desk. It’s in a nice little tin that is pretty so just seeing it makes me happy actually. I love the smell of roses. It makes me think of past lives that I had forgotten. I remember being young, the kind of young that the memories come out even more surreal and dream like that do other ones. The kind that makes you wonder if you are getting memories confused with some art house film you watched at 3 am while you were in college.
I remember the smell of roses, it’s how she smelled. My Great-Granny Barber’s brass bed with real feather pillows and the blue kitchen with everything in it’s right place. The smell of ginger snaps and peppermints. I remember sneaking into the bathroom with it’s low lighting and sniffing her large stick of cherry chapstick, her silver brush with the soft bristles that I pet my arm with. The matching silver mirror lay untouched. I was afraid I’d break it. She had a powder puff which I thought only princesses had. I’d powder myself into trouble. Her house was magical. She had compacts of what she called “rouge” and I wondered what that meant but knew how special it was.
I couldn’t touch the piano, though.
Her back porch had glamorous outdoor carpet that looked like grass! I was very impressed. There was greenery everywhere and I walked carefully to avoid Sassy’s poo. The high brick wall around everything made me wonder what was on the other side. There also was a tricky sliding glass door that was very clean. Painfully clean. Her grass was prickly and thick, not like my grass at home.
My Granny Barber was very beautiful. Her closet was full of clothing only movie stars had. She had hats, furs, sparkly outfits… all the result of a life spent out of the house. She would let me try them on if I was very careful. She had a fake leg which I liked very much. She would carefully put a sock on the stump, then strap it into a fake leg very carefully. My Granny was so special and interesting! I loved her little leg and thought it was shame I didn’t have a fake leg to put stockings and shoes on.
She fell that day. She had been telling me to stop what I was doing but I was having fun. I hid under the table as she lay on the ground, it was all my fault my Granny was on the floor. I was so scared. My Granny Kate came in and was very upset. With me, I knew it.
But then my Granny Barber came back and was more fun after that! She would sit with me, laughing and combing my dolls hair. I would bring her my barbies and their clothes and accessories and her eyes would brighten up. She smiled and played with me for hours. I would sit in her lap and admire her snowy hair, her large glasses and her fake teeth. At Christmases she would fold our clothing very carefully and admire my dolls.
I didn’t see her after that last Christmas. She died, I knew what that meant because my cat Socks had been torn apart by dogs the week before and he was never coming back either. I was so scared that she was going to hell. I had learned about heaven and hell and had a nightmare that my Granny Barber was in hell. This concerned me very much. I went to our couch, looked out the window at the overcast sky and prayed to God that she was in heaven. I was very earnest. Then the sky parted, beams of sun shone out, right to me and I heard God tell me that she was safe with him. The sun went away and I ran to tell my mom the good news.