I’m starting something new here.
It’s been on my heart to write a blog series about this for awhile- actually, it’s been on Ben and my heart to write about our own experiences of being raised in really great and healthy homes and how we’ve had to overcome it.
I know… right? overcoming… a blessing?! an advantage?! what we all wish we had?! …overcoming what we all strive to be for our own kids?
You know what the biggest truth here is?
We ALL have issues.
and you know what else? There’s not a lot out there to help support people who were raised ideally and so “shouldn’t” have issues. We struggle with crippling perfectionism, shame, guilt, maintaining the perfect outward appearance through physical or professional success, and- if we don’t immerse ourselves through employment within that ministry context- we often struggle deeply with coming to terms with ourselves and finding our identity in Christ.
Some of us rebelled outwardly and some of us rebelled extremely privately in order not to bring shame on our family that we love.
This is a beginning, a place to be real and share stories.
Overcoming the Perfect Childhood.
I remember the first time I realized that I just might have some issues.
Before that time I rested comfortably in the fact that I knew I was loved, had been raised in a healthy home where open discussion and honesty were appreciated, where my parents made mistakes- coming back in acknowledgement and apologizing.
I really have no bad memories of my childhood or parents.
So, you see, as a college student and young adult, I kinda had it all together. I made good decisions. I was smart and capable. and I did it all on my own. I was a Christian, loved Jesus but didn’t even realize how far I was from living a grace driven life because I didn’t see my need for him, because, to a certain extent- I didn’t have one.
“to he who much is given…” right? I got it. I knew the bible forwards and backwards. I could quote the pithy catch phrases of the day. Want to talk Piper, Spurgeon or Calvin? or even edgier? let’s talk Mark Driscoll, Shane Claiborne, Don Miller or perhaps Rob Bell.
I was reading CS Lewis as a 9-year-old. Finished the biographies of all the great missionaries of our time before I was a teenager. I remember my dad saying once at a summer project for college students that there was no excuse for not getting some assigned reading done as his 11-year-old daughter had already read the missionary biography. I glowed.
Buuut I had issues. I was sitting in a young marrieds community group and heard them share their fears. “I’m scared that I won’t be a good mother.” “I am going to do things so differently than how I was raised.” “I’ll do better than my parents did.”
I realized suddenly I lacked heart. It had never occurred to me that I could be better than I already was, to a certain extent. I had been raised with such spiritual privilege and knowledge that I never had to try that hard to have that depth of knowing. I mean, how could I be anything but a good parent and Christian with what I knew?
Such pride, subconscious as it was even.
I remember startling myself when I suddenly said, “I hope to be half the parent that my parents were.” and saw Ben nodding in the absolute same hopeless agreement.
You see- our parents set the bar so high- neither one of us felt we could ever come close to them.
We felt helpless and hopeless to ever really be anything. or anyone.
more to come…
Relate? –> please share YOUR stories! it’s through the sharing of stories that we can grow, and through growth I am planning on publishing a book. If you feel more comfortable being anonymous please email me and I’d be happy to post your stories in that fashion.
photo by Jennifer Flowers