Scandalous Sanity has received copies of the long awaited ESV Study Bible. We approached the newly formed ark of the covenant with consecrated hands, and revealed it’s contents to the world.
We discovered that the presence of God has been reboxed, BUT can now speak directly to you(just as he does John Piper, Tony Evans, Mark Driscoll and Joshua Harris) without the need to buy the aforementioned guys books or of mumbling pastors.
Each copy comes with glare reducing cream for the brightness with which you will be gleaming, sunglasses for your family to be able to look at you after you delve into it(Moses looked like a firefly compared to the way you’ll be glowing), and earplugs to tone down the volume of God’s voice.
Those who purchase the hardback and tru-tone leather copies will become known among their people(We have already ascended the hiearchy of our communities). But those who purchase the suffering baby calfskin manuscript will sit at the right hand of God (after Jesus, John Piper, J.I. Packer, Mark Driscoll, and Joshua Harris, but before the rest of the generations of people. It’s guaranteed on the side of the box).
We do warn you, the ESV is the closest to God you will ever get, even after you die(probably). Being in close proximity is dangerous. We recommend you proceed with caution.
We give this Study Bible 2 stars for it’s maps and detailed portraits of the temples and cities(Those things are awesome! It’s like a world class architectural firm came up with them). Another star for the outstanding and sensational promotion of the Bible. A quarter star for the endorsement by the biggest and most theologically correct speakers/preachers of the day. A quarter star for the triangle on the front of the Bible. A quarter for the recently found truths that no one has unearthed before, and we’ve been missing all this time. And a final quarter star for the smooth feel of suffering baby calfskin.
In all seriousness this Bible is pretty sweet. The introductions to each book are a bit more detailed than the new NLT study bible, and the study notes are ridiculous in number and content.
The only real problem we had with it was the article on “christian” ethics(The amount of articles in this thing are ridiculous as well). It seemed like a bunch of middle class white guys promoting their political views, and putting them in a Bible for the rest of us to believe as absolute theological truths because they have a Ph.D next to their name. (I think Kierkegaard would call them a bunch of “scheming swindlers” seeing as how the rest of that quote would apply to them. . . that crazy existentialist)
That took away a half star from our review of the Bible, the other half was taken away because of Tullian Tchividjian’s unruly excitement in the promotional video (take it easy brother).
So, we hope you enjoy your new ESV study Bible as much as we have. There is nothing more convenient than having a group of people who believe the same thing you do, think the same way you think, and speak the same way you do come together and make a Bible that speaks the same voice of God that you listen to (Seriously).