“You look great today, Heidi!” someone says to me. Instead of just saying “Thanks!” (because that is, according to my mind, in essence agreeing with them which is prideful and snotty) I always turn it back on them, sometimes awkwardly, “Ohhh *thanks*, but YOU LOOK AMAZING in those… sweat pants… ” the compliment lags a little, stiffly we stand there until I find some other conversation changing comment to get the attention off of me. Or, instead of saying thanks, I’ll deny them politely, “Oh, no, I look just awful today!”
After I hosted a birthday for a friend, someone said “Thanks so much for hosting tonight:” I turned that around, “well, thank YOU for coming!” “Your house is beautiful!”, “ohhh it’s all from garage sales and thrift stores…” WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?! Why do I constantly deny people, self-deprecate or, worse, correct them?
Someone very recently told me just to say “you’re welcome” after I botched a turn-the-compliment-back-on-them and I sadly agreed with them saying, “I don’t accept compliments well”.
It was kind of a turning point for me and I really wondered what was wrong with me and other people like me who just can’t take a compliment or receive a thank you. I think that I have a conclusion of sorts…
Pride. Yes, stinking, ever-with-me, ugly, ‘God hates it’, PRIDE. I know, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, how can being so humble you can’t take a compliment be a form of pride? Because it’s about me still.When refusing a verbal gift of thanks, I’m basically saying they are wrong to think or feel that way, which is their opinion. It’s rude.
I’ve realized I don’t always have to compliment back, I am not in a tennis match of words volleying sweet nothings across the net. I need to learn to be gracious and non-awkwardly accept a compliment. I don’t have to inform the person who likes my shirt that it’s from a thrift store because I don’t want them to think I’ve spent a lot on clothes. Ugly pride. I’m sure there will be more on this topic, I seem to stumble on this more than just about anything else. 