watching the sun was hurting my eyes so I aimed my eyes about 10 degrees below it. I don’t know how long the ear plugs were in my ear without music pounding out of the earbuds, but I think quite awhile. I get left alone for the most part when they are in. The trees became creepy black silhouettes against the brightness of the sun and I closed my eyes. The sun became red and the shadows became blue. Very poetic if you are listening to “Saint Simon” or “I grieve”, which I was. I watched the power plant in Russelville pump the sky full of artificial clouds in a clear blue sky to “Rise” and wanted to be atop of them, flying into the distance. I got sidetracked thinking that if I was a super hero and had a super power that I would fly, fly, far far away.
instead of emotionally eating a glorious dinner of mashed potatoes and pot roast, seasoned green beans and a buttered biscuit with a large slice of chocolate cake, I ate the emotional dinner of music. Comfort food if you will. I listened to comfort music that isn’t designed to make me look cool or have people say about me “wow, she has a great taste in music!” (of which I have convinced my cell group I have!) Instead I played old favorites like the Postal Service, U2, Coldplay (duh?!), the Shins, Filter, some Beatles, and Peter Gabriel -of which I had a heart lifting hopeful moment when he crooned “Life carries on and on and on and on” as we passed into the lower Boston Mountains, and who can’t be cheered by “Solsbury Hill”? Sufjan, good ole Ray, and then some newbies like Eddie Vedder, the Kinks and Imogeen Heap rounded out my meal. What I want to know is how Mariah Carey didn’t make an appearance… I hope that I don’t go to my music instead of my Lord for comfort. I think I may just do that.
You know those great days, those great, great days that are forever memorable, tucked away in blissful joy, to be checked back with occasionally to bring joy and comfort? Today isn’t one of those days. I’ll classify this as either the worst or 2nd worst day of my life. (the worst being the day my pediatrician told me that something was really wrong and first rocked my world.) this is pretty bad. for me. honestly, overall, this is just not that bad. His condition is not life threatening, praise God. it’s just all in between that is making my heart ache. I’m not going to go into it yet, it’s still too painful and I’m in shock a little. We’re having blood work done to confirm the doctor’s opinion. (I’ll post results in 2-4 weeks)
But even if he’s all wrong, of which there is a small, are you saying there’s a chance? sized chance, I’m whole heartily thankful for his honesty and bluntness. I was expecting nothing and I got the buffet. again the food reference- what is with me? Please, what ever religion or denomination you are, pray that my son is alright and all this was today was a minor inconvenience in our lives.