I wrote this over a year ago and never posted it. It’s crazy to see how differently I feel and where I am today… I thought about re-working it and making it apply for me NOW but then realized that the raw power of it all would be gone. So often when I’ve been hurting, I’ve read inspirational posts on how someone had felt the way I was feeling, but from a perspective of hindsight; of health and happiness looking back … and then I still felt alone at the place that I was at. I think that it’s scary to be real, to share feelings in the moment because it seems weak or unspiritual. Maybe that is why I didn’t post this before. Regardless, you are not alone. Where ever you are now, there is hope and a mountain top nearby. To quote my favorite blog author, Lauren Dubinsky, “Everyone has a story, and everyone is meant to do something with it. Something much bigger and greater than writing books & blog posts: Living fully.” I hope that this post either reminds you how far you have come or gives you hope where you are. -Heidi
and then there’s being real vs. complaining.
Recently someone, who I need to say is full of love, grace and mercy, said that “no where in the bible does it say it’s ok to complain.” and went on to say that maybe we shouldn’t share negative things but always focus on the positive.
Which is great advice.
But maybe not reality, for some of us.
I think some personalities are better suited for the “always saying something positive” routine – which comes across as fake to the other ones of us, who express the struggles in life, perhaps with a little bit too much detail. I posted the following status on facebook the other day:
“I think sometimes people confuse being real with pessimism which is ironic since they are judging your perception of reality as being something not positive.”
What do you think? I’m not saying I’m wrong or right, just that this is a different way of looking at things. Just because I share that I’m having a really bad week doesn’t mean I’m depressed. Just because I share that Ben and I have struggles doesn’t mean that our marriage is on the rocks. Just because I ask for prayer for patience with my kids doesn’t mean I‘m beating them.
Don’t assume, don’t judge. I regret so many things I’ve shared with friends and even people in positions of authority in my church who I thought believed the best in me. I thought because they KNEW me that they GOT me. I was wrong.
I was seeking their affirmation and approval through explaining and sharing too much of myself; believing incorrectly, they had all the right answers and solutions.
I have really started liking myself, really loving myself for the first time and now I’m beginning to see the results:
1. The friends I have are REAL ones. I now fortunate to have people in my life who do believe the best in me. Always. ...and that is a treasure worth more than any amount of money.
2. A lot of people simply are really, really judgmental, perhaps subconsciously. I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN and probably still am! Because of this, I’ve learned boundaries and what I don’t need to share with certain people because I was hurt by them. I am more cautious when I meet new people what I say.
I think people confuse being real with complaining and complaining with sinning. We have a huge amount of counselors and therapists that are helping people process things that are simple enough that a friend who CARED enough to listen and not judge could solve.
People stuff things down, deep until they are forgotten and rotting and the smell drives them to get help. I know I am.
Where are you now? Are you here- stuck with caring too much what people think of you? I didn’t realize how much my self-perception was based on other people’s opinions of me. How sad I was… and I think that perhaps I’ll constantly default to caring too much what others think until I take those thoughts captive and realize the truth that I don’t need, or even want, their approval. However, I almost didn’t share this post- for fear of what people would think of me, but then I realized that being real, transparent and honest about our struggles is how we get to a better place and hopefully help someone else along on the same journey. I’ve struggled my whole life with self-esteem, self-worth and believing all myself and for the first time, I believe and know TRUTH.
It can be found.
Email me if you want to chat more about this, TheBusyNothings@gmail.com or chat with me on Twitter, @TheBusyNothings.
Election night marked Bug’s first night’s sleep without a pacifier. He is 2 1/2 this month and I’ve felt for a while that his addiction should be over but I never had the heart to just cold turkey take it from him. This is not how I planned on this happening… but sometimes the things you don’t plan on end up being for the best.
How it happened looked something like this:
Me: “I’m leaving to go hang out with a few girlfriends, let me know if you need anything, see you around 9!”
Ben: “Mphhhh,” watching Election coverage.
15 minutes later…
Bug, outraged: “My pascie no working!” (holding his pacifier with a very small hole)
“Well, that is the only one we have so make it work,” Ben said. (I’m paraphrasing here based on hearing this from Ben….)
15-30 minutes later….
Bug: “PASCIE! PASCIE!”
Ben: “Go to sleep!”
and he did, before I got home.
Me panicking, calling Ben: “hey babe- I need you to run and take a lunch break, Bug is freaking out and won’t nap, he is saying that his pacifier isn’t working! He is really upset and I don’t want to load him and Bear up in the car to go to Walmart-”
Ben: “Yeah, he didn’t have one last night and he was fine.”
Ben: “You there?”
Me: “Why didn’t you tell me?! I would have gone first thing this morning and got him one!”
Ben: “I figured it was time.”
Letting them grow up is HARD sometimes. I’m really going to miss his face obscured by a pacifier and garbled talking when he forgets to take it out. I wasn’t too worried about his teeth- I mean with Ben and I’s genes, braces are something that he has no chance of not having so the pacifier didn’t bother me for this teeth… and it was the last remaining baby thing he did. My heart is seriously sad- I’m grieving a bit about another milestone, but happy that is is getting bigger and becoming more of a little boy than a baby.
Was there any milestone that made you happy and sad at the same child with your children? Was it hard to let them grow up for you too?