Some of the most beautiful weather this year has been in the last two months.

The months that are usually cold, windy and dark have been filled with light, warmth and beauty.

I love beauty. My soul craves it on a level beyond my comprehension.

I love my boys. I don’t think that I’ve ever enjoyed them more than I have these last few months. I love the post nap snuggles, their small hands and obsession with getting dirty.

We worked outside today for hours, all together as a family and my heart ached with joy and the sorrow for the families of the shooting. The sun felt warm and I took my coat off after awile and felt the heat of the December sun on my back. I leaned into my work and stopped hearing anything but my breath and the sound of the rake against the leaves. Methodically I created piles as I moved around my yard and saw ground I’d never taken the time to look at closely before. The longer grass clung root deep and I combed it out.

I let myself be pulled away from my work by the boys laughter and smiled as they jumped in the leaf piles because being finished really didn’t matter.

These moments, this time is so fleeting and fragile. I hug my boys a little tighter today and let myself grieve.