Moving on…

May 29, 2012 by · 11 Comments

My path

I’m an interim.

Sometimes I think I’m given people for just a short while, to release them back out like  an injured animal. Not that they are brought to me for healing… that is kind of a bad analogy, calling myself a mender of sorts…  I’m more of a listener than a mender, which, to some perhaps, is healing but once more, NOT my point here today.

What do you do when your friend(s) change? When they move on? When they don’t [gasp] NEED you any more?

When the phone calls go unanswered and unreturned?

When one who is your soul mate in a friend moves away?

There is a gaping, tearing hole left by those left behind. You know it’s not because they are avoiding you, but because they are genuinely BUSY, living their life in an awesome, glorious way. 

It’s happened to me. I’m sure I’ve done it to others.

How do you feel when you are just a stopping point for someone on their way in their life? When they move on, grow, change for the BETTER and then you are standing there, in the dust of their success and … missing them.

I remember in the 4th grade knowing that this was my unique skill set, my forte, knowing the pain and confusion of knowing the release was near, as much as I may try to fight it.

I think it started because I understood the confusion of moving a lot. I understood standing on the sidelines and wishing someone would just come talk to me. I knew what rejection felt like at an early age, understood cliques and fickle girls long before junior high. Because of that pain, I learned to see it in others, the lost look of someone new to town and FIND them, even in my insecurity and shyness drived from a hard transition from an elementary in the north to one in the south where I couldn’t understand my teacher’s drawl.

Sometimes I’m over it, then other times I’m seeing my friends that have moved on, either locally or on the other side of the world or 10 states away… all doing great, living healthy, real lives, and me… I’m missing them. I miss our phone calls, I miss chatting, I miss their faces and most of all, I miss my friends who get me. I miss our laughter and our realness.

*****

Letting go hurts, it’s a hard thing. It’s healthy, and wonderful. I’m happy, but with a side of hurt.

What about you? Have you been hurt unintentionally by friends or are you the one who moves on from relationships?

 

 

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  • http://thebrokins.com/ Jasmine

    Such good honest thoughts. I really love you Heidi! You are brave.

  • Maddiemmy

    Dang Heidi, how do you do it? Your so good at putting real feelings and thoughts into words that make me get it. Almost everyday I find myself longing for those friendships, the ones that have gone dormant…either from moving or lack of time and the effort it takes. All I know is that even if I don’t get to see, talk, or hang out with the friends who have meant the most to me, their friendships will always be with me.
    Thanks for turning the wheels of my thoughts….your pretty awesome in my book:)

  • http://www.eatingasapathtoyoga.wordpress.com/ Eating as a Path to Yoga

    I identify with this so much. I think my situation is slightly different, as I play the listener role in many of my relationships. I don’t reveal myself and go deep. So, I’m working on that.

  • Katy

    My favorite Pin from Pinerest right now is “When someone says ‘you’ve changed’ simply means you stopped living life their way.”
    Not sure if the quote directly relates to your topic of people moving on but being someone who has held on tightly to all my friendships from childhood, even sometimes to my own detriment, I think it’s ok to move on. Like you said- its nothing personal, it is simply the way life is. Surviving distance is difficult & some people just are not capable of making the effort- some are! But you cannot resent those who are unable or perhaps incapable of returning your friendship. And people change, and we have to allow them to change. I guess this has been on my heart lately because I’ve moved away from some of the dearest friends of my life. Some friendships may survive, some may not. And that’s ok! Not to say it isn’t painful but I guess the ones that do stay- throughout time, changes distance- are the most precious. :)

  • http://www.adollopofmylife.com lindseylu

    I’ve had 2 different friends who I’ve had move on. Mostly because they disagreed with what I said, and I didn’t back down because I felt like what I said was my heart. Sometimes I feel used by those friends. But most of the time I feel like as i get older my friendship circle grows more narrow. There’s just so much in life as an adult that can cause separation– lifestyle, kids, working vs non-working moms, etc.

  • Heidi Clark

    I totally agree with you. I’m a bit outspoken too and it’s strange to me that people would give up a relationship based on some (to me) minor disagreements over the issues you mentioned.

  • Heidi Clark

    I loved your statement “some people just are not capable of making the effort-” because it’s true- like I said, I know I’ve been that person too so it’s interesting to see both sides of it. I usually am good about releasing but it’s hard when it’s several at once… :)

  • Heidi Clark

    I’m really outspoken so I’ve learned to keep to myself after getting hurt in a few relationships- however, now on the other side of things I realized that holding back is just hurting me in the long run- it’s something I’m working on too! :) Thanks for taking the time to comment!

  • Heidi Clark

    :)) Thanks so much for coming by! I’m so NOT awesome, lol, but thanks! HAH! (I need to re-read my post on accepting compliments, it seems) but yeah, I’ve just been so busy lately that I know I’ve pushed people aside and know I”ve hurt them but I have nothing to give to a certain degree, so it’s weird that I’m the one leaving… for the first time.

  • Heidi Clark

    Thanks Jasmine! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment! You blog is always a refreshing one to read, you are the honestly QUEEN! :))

  • mer

    i found your blog through a #4realfitnesschallenge retweet, and this post is spot on. as my boys have grownup, my friendships have been affected. so many friendships developed sitting at some sort of sports practice or activity when they were younger. when those interests change, it can make the friendships strained when we are pulled in so many different directions. i’ve reached the age that my time is again my own, and i miss that connection to friends that “get me”