Summit is trying to crawl today. He just started doing it out of nowhere and I wish he wouldn’t. Not in the cutsie way of “Oh, my Johnny is crawling and gets into everything” -the pretend dismay at the cleverness of their child. NO, I mean it like “Oh, Summit does a face plant every time he tries to go from sitting to crawling and then screams”. Ha ha!!! Not, ha ha in the sense that I’m laughing at Summit’s face planting, just at the situation. 😉 So he’s chilling in the exersauser, becoming ADD from all the toys on it, going quickly from 1 toy to the next. I got tired of picking him up off the floor crying. He’s the best baby, I’m pretty scared to have another b/c I know they wouldn’t be as cool. He’s laid-back and likes doing whatever and isn’t whiney. Sometimes I forget I’m a mom, I just hang out with this little person everyday and we have fun together. I like showing him new things and giving him toys…. I’ve gone from the penny pincher to the spender! Oh my. Ben has taken up my old role so I hope we are covered financially!!!
Ben was out of town for a few days at a men’s conference. This was fun. I was kind of anxious, but slept like a log the last night so sub-consciously I was fine apparently. This meant no break for me. I feel guilty pawning him off on anyone but Ben. (OMG!!! I just put on Barney so I could finish my blog!!!! Something I promised myself I’d never do!! But it works!!!!! AHHHHHH! “I love you, you love me…” is playing)
I thought that it was only fair to update you on the good things in my life as well as the negative. It’s not like I have anything good to tell per se, it’s just that I am feeling more positive. I am learning what it truly means to trust in God. Not just in the good times, and not in a super needy “GOD it’s so bad, give me something”. (Which he has heard plenty of- however.) I’d love to know “the HOW”, as one friend said. I know and trust God, but I’d like to know how the heck everything will work out. I have no control of this… and frankly I’m tired of trying to always be in control. I guess some would say this is ignorance. I am so past caring what others think of me and my faith. It’s a constant thing, growing and developing all the time, it’s not a conSIStent thing, sometimes I feel like I back track, but it seems to end up being another step closer. That sentence seems contradicting, but it’s kind of how I feel my faith is sometimes, trusting in God, then NOT, then realizing what I just went through- i.e. lack of faith- it actually what brought me closer to him. Sigh. I can’t explain it. It’s something that can’t be described really, seeking something that isn’t tangible seems so stupid sometimes, but my life has been bettered by the search. Everyone believes in something, even the agnostic, I think seeking something of perfection that can never be achieved and STRIVING towards it is better that settling for mediocrity.
Wow, this post is waaaay to long! signing off now.