Judgement and Truth

I wrote this over a year ago and never posted it. It’s crazy to see how differently I feel and where I am today… I thought about re-working it and making it apply for me NOW but then realized that the raw power of it all would be gone. So often when I’ve been hurting,  I’ve read inspirational posts on how someone had felt the way I was feeling, but from a perspective of hindsight; of health and happiness looking back … and then I still felt alone at the place that I was at. I think that it’s scary to be real, to share feelings in the moment because it seems weak or unspiritual. Maybe that is why I didn’t post this before. Regardless, you are not alone. Where ever you are now, there is hope and a mountain top nearby.  To quote my favorite blog author, Lauren Dubinsky, “Everyone has a story, and everyone is meant to do something with it. Something much bigger and greater than writing books & blog posts: Living fully.”  I hope that this post either reminds you how far you have come or gives you hope where you are.   -Heidi

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and then there’s being real vs. complaining.

Recently someone, who I need to say is full of love, grace and mercy, said that “no where in the bible does it say it’s ok to complain.” and went on to say that maybe we shouldn’t share negative things but always focus on the positive.

Which is great advice.

But maybe not reality, for some of us.

I think some personalities are better suited for the “always saying something positive” routine – which comes across as fake to the other ones of us, who express the struggles in life, perhaps with a little bit too much detail. I posted the following status on facebook the other day:

“I think sometimes people confuse being real with pessimism which is ironic since they are judging your perception of reality as being something not positive.”

What do you think? I’m not saying I’m wrong or right, just that this is a different way of looking at things. Just because I share that I’m having a really bad week doesn’t mean I’m depressed. Just because I share that Ben and I have struggles doesn’t mean that our marriage is on the rocks. Just because I ask for prayer for patience with my kids doesn’t mean I‘m beating them.

Don’t assume, don’t judge. I regret so many things I’ve shared with friends and even people in positions of authority in my church who I thought believed the best in me. I thought because they KNEW me that they GOT me. I was wrong.

I was seeking their affirmation and approval through explaining and sharing too much of myself; believing incorrectly, they had all the right answers and solutions.

I have really started liking myself, really loving myself for the first time and now I’m beginning to see the results:

1. The friends I have are REAL ones.  I now fortunate to have people in my life who do believe the best in me. Always. ...and that is a treasure worth more than any amount of money.

2. A lot of people simply are really, really judgmental, perhaps subconsciously. I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN and probably still am! Because of this,  I’ve learned boundaries and what I don’t need to share with certain people because I was hurt by them. I am more cautious when I meet new people what I say.

I think people confuse being real with complaining and complaining with sinning. We have a huge amount of counselors and therapists that are helping people process things that are simple enough that a friend who CARED enough to listen and not judge could solve.

People stuff things down, deep until they are forgotten and rotting and the smell drives them to get help. I know I am.

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Where are you now? Are you here- stuck with caring too much what people think of you? I didn’t realize how much my self-perception was based on other people’s opinions of me. How sad I was… and I think that perhaps I’ll constantly default to caring too much what others think until I take those thoughts captive and realize the truth that I don’t need, or even want, their approval. ;) However, I almost didn’t share this post- for fear of what people would think of me, but then I realized that being real, transparent and honest about our struggles is how we get to a better place and hopefully help someone else along on the same journey.  I’ve struggled my whole life with self-esteem, self-worth and believing all myself and for the first time, I believe and know TRUTH

It can be found. 

 

 

 

Email me if you want to chat more about this, TheBusyNothings@gmail.com or chat with me on Twitter, @TheBusyNothings.

 

 

  • Lisa

    One of my favorite things about you is how honest and open you are! I don’t think it is complaining when you are being honest and sharing life.

  • sherryk

    This is so beautiful!

  • TheBusyNothings

    You’ve been there the whole time- Oh goodness the stories you could tell on me Sherry… ;)

  • TheBusyNothings

    Thank you so much Lisa for commenting. It always means a lot to get comments, especially from people who know me! Thanks for understanding me and being a part of my life! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarea.clark Sarea Clark

    This is so very interesting to me, because I am one of those “always saying something positive” people, and it never occurred to me that I would be coming across as fake. However, with that being said, it is frustrating to me when I do seem less than joyful that people assume that I am in a really dark place instead of just being pensive…(I AM capable of being quiet every once in awhile!) lol

  • TheBusyNothings

    I think that a lot of times I act overly positive and loud b/c any time I have a straight face people are like, “what’s wrong?” and I’m like, “this is just my NORMAL face!” so I start to perform again. UGH. Liking myself is really about being myself and so sometimes I might be straight faced, thinking, and I can’t care so much how people might perceive me. I don’t think that I’ll ever not struggle with this. ;))

  • http://twitter.com/dentistmel melissa weintraub

    This is a beautiful post! You are such an eloquent writer! I am one of the ones who used to care greatly what people thought about me but then I realized, I am who I am, and if you don’t gel with me, I am O’kay with it. It took me a long time to get to the point where my self-perceptions weren’t based on other people’s thoughts of me too. I realized that we have one life to live and we need to be happy with who we are, and not what others think. And I could not agree more with REAL friends. Those friends are the ones who you want in your life, rather the ones who bring you down.
    Thanks for this post. I really enjoyed reading it.

  • Rene’e

    I am glad you didn’t change a thing, :-) @packleader66

  • TheBusyNothings

    Thank you!

  • TheBusyNothings

    Thanks so much Melissa! :) I really thought I didn’t care what people thought of me- but reading that old post it was so evident! Thanks for taking the time to share your story and for dropping by! :)

  • Kim

    I really like this post. I am really working on not needing the approval of others.

  • TheBusyNothings

    It has been one of the biggest struggles of my life- it’s in every crevice of my being- I had no idea. It’s freeing to be out from under that, but at the same time it’s my unhealthy comfort zone so I know I’m not “cured” yet. :)

  • http://stanfaryna.wordpress.com Stan Faryna

    What is truth?

    Pilate is said to have asked Christ the same question.

    I like to imagine that it is good to believe that you can grow. Know thyself, the philosophers have often reminded us. But I’m not against a little feedback – even if it takes me time to process.

    Keep on reaching for the sunlight!

    Recently on my blog:
    The Corsair: Whovian Fan Fiction, American-Gangnam style
    http://stanfaryna.wordpress.com/2013/03/01/the-corsair-whovian-fan-fiction/

  • TheBusyNothings

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting! ;)