Some of the most beautiful weather this year has been in the last two months.
The months that are usually cold, windy and dark have been filled with light, warmth and beauty.
I love beauty. My soul craves it on a level beyond my comprehension.
I love my boys. I don’t think that I’ve ever enjoyed them more than I have these last few months. I love the post nap snuggles, their small hands and obsession with getting dirty.
We worked outside today for hours, all together as a family and my heart ached with joy and the sorrow for the families of the shooting. The sun felt warm and I took my coat off after awile and felt the heat of the December sun on my back. I leaned into my work and stopped hearing anything but my breath and the sound of the rake against the leaves. Methodically I created piles as I moved around my yard and saw ground I’d never taken the time to look at closely before. The longer grass clung root deep and I combed it out.
I let myself be pulled away from my work by the boys laughter and smiled as they jumped in the leaf piles because being finished really didn’t matter.
These moments, this time is so fleeting and fragile. I hug my boys a little tighter today and let myself grieve.
I have also seen in my own life that I allow a battle scar to begin to eat away at me and become the excuse for not running back into battle.
I become skiddish in voice, relationship, trust, boldness and so many other things. I, who once walked out in the boldness with trust in my God now walk with a limp called timidness.
Rekindling the Flame
How do we do this?
How do we rekindle what has been so badly squelched?
The fire isn’t gone it just needs the breath of life.
The battle being won isn’t as apparent as it was in Joshua’s day. Then, men died and fell to your right and to your left, but as of now it happens so much in a realm that we cant see.
However, the key is to believe and remember that the battle is being won even when we are wounded, have given up, or allowed death to take us. The battle has been won. I have to believe this to ever dance as I once did.
AND I WANT SO DESPERATELY TO DANCE!!!
My prayer has become this;
“Christ I cry out that your Holy Spirit would be the breathing wind in the flame that is you and that you have placed in me and each person you have put in my life. I cry out with a passion to see my heart be yours. I pray that my hopes, dreams, desires would be yours and that you would move in them I give them to you. Lord you are hope you are fire and you are what makes us dance, I cry out for dancing in you, for you and because of you.”
I want to dance like I once danced and then even more passionately than ever before!