As I wrote in my last post I have been having a difficult time writing lately. I have realized more and more why and the reality is, I have so much to deal with each day that at the end of, or even the beginning of the day, I have had very little brain power left to use on creative outlets of any kind. However, many of my writings come from moments or events in my life that strike me when I am processing them with others around me. During my Christmas break I was having a conversation with Heidi, that I have since had with others as well, about where I am right now in life.
This last year has been a whirl wind of change. It has all been really wonderful and fun, and while I have truly loved every minute, this is absolutely not where I thought I would be this time last year.
January of 2012, I was living in Kansas City, building a great community of friends, making plans to live in the home I was currently living in and talking with my roommates about what the next year would hold for them so we could begin deciding if we needed to find roommates to replace any of them in May. There was no question at that time whether I would be staying or not, but then in the end I was the one who was going to need a replacement. The point however, is that I was settling in, creating roots and making a home for myself and my new life. Little did I know that in just a few months I would be making the choice to uproot my life all over again and begin an entirely new and crazy adventure.
In April of 2012 I moved to southwest Missouri to step into the roll of Director of Barnabas Prep at Camp Barnabas.
I love my life!!!! So very much. I love what I am doing each day. However, the place that I am finding myself is a very interesting place in which I have never been before. ( Which is saying a lot for me – not out of pride, just out of fact – I have done a lot in my life and for a season to be totally new is exciting and awesome to see how the Lord can continue to surprise me with my life.)
I am in this weird limbo where I belong many places but I am not completely settled anywhere. I live full time at Barnabas with all our people so I have a place to call home and a community surrounding me so in the truth of a settled place this is where I live and belong. The thing is, that this is my living community and each day is truly all about relationship, but I am still the boss/leader which makes this community and these relationship different most days.
My life where I get to just be Sherryk is spread out between three different areas, Springfield, NWA, and Kansas City. These are the three places that I hop between in terms of meaningful relationships that are not about my job. Most of my co-workers with Barnabas who are all good friends live in Springfield, my life long friends and family all live in NWA, and the same kind of relationships are also in Kansas City. So I have been in all three places this year off and on.
I love everything about each place and that is what makes it all so difficult!
I am in each place long of enough to still have deep relationships, but not long enough to truly be invested anywhere.
I have felt from the Lord several times Him saying that He just wants me all to Himself in the season and I have had several people in my life speak the same thing which has been simply confirmation to that very feeling. I don’t completely know what that means and why this is the Lord’s heart for me right now but, it seems to be the truth.
I am still loving it but, there are moments that I miss just being in one place and settled but then when I really stop and truly think about it, I am living such a great adventure each day!!!!
I have no idea on a regular basis what my day is going to hold. My job is truly an adventure each day but then everything outside of that time is also this element of just going and doing and letting the Lord work.
In this time I have had: amazing conversations; times of hanging out with people that I would have never hung out with; amazing times of worship and prayer with people I don’t normally get to worship and pray with; such amazing times of being a source of adventure for those around me and them getting provide adventure in my life; and just times of sweet peace and joy.
This time is amazing and challenging all at the same time. Full of life and people and yet, a little lonely. Blissfully satisfying and yet, missing something at moments. It is an everyday experience of contradiction. However, when I really stop to think about it and pray about it all, I truly wouldn’t have it any other way right now. It is a rather beautiful place to be.
I still have desires and dreams for things but for now I am simply loving this strange world of belonging everywhere.