I sat cross legged on the floor, nibbling off a fancy food tray that had sliced chocolate cake and strawberries on it. It sat on our ottoman that recently had dirty little boy feet jumping off of it and I laughed that. I love serving on beautiful platters that remind me of another life and food that you can’t say no to. I scraped chocolate icing with my strawberry and savored it.
The perfect ripeness.
We aren’t proper people anymore and the clean freak not so far removed shrieked at the stains on the carpet, the shoes in piles at the front door, dust bunnies and scattered toys. It’s too messy for guests, the voice said, and I shrugged it away full of a nonchalance I never thought I’d possess. When did Martha become Mary?
We just are’t pretty or shiny anymore. But… we’re ok with it now.
I sat with Ben and another, older couple and heard their journey, their burdens and life aches. We chatted and I enjoyed the odd fellowship that a happenstance at Sam’s Club brought together.
Talking brokenness, hurts, grace, deep hidden hopes and the mysteries of God is healing in it’s own strange way.
“We’re hurting,” I said happily, knowing peace in my heart, “but we are ok.” and they understood.
*****
While talking about it, I realized a lie that I’ve believed for over 5 years, spoken innocently by someone in authority. Who I respected. Who was human. I am responsible for myself, my own actions ultimately- and I had let something said drive a fork in the road God had for me and I took the wrong path for years.
I thought of it, shocked at the truth suddenly. I wonder at it even now- perhaps it was true when it was said but now it’s not because I’m not who I used to be? Perhaps they didn’t “get me” (oh yes, back to my ever quest of being understood) and said it off handed, meaning none of the devastation it created.
or maybe figuring it all out isn’t really that important–
what IS important is that I know the truth now and I’ll let it impact my life in a big way.
Maybe that’s it- knowing truth, drenching myself in it, acknowledging the pain but moving on and forward from it.
What lies are you believing in your life that you need to correct? Truth hurts sometimes but will you let it better you or derail you on your journey? I challenge you to seek truth, let it break you but then put you back together more whole than you even thought you were before.
There is such beauty in the broken places.