About

About me…

I’m a mess, you guys.

I have been agonizing for awhile on how to describe myself. I want to say how into art, music and photography I am. How I am married to the man of my dreams, still wearing size designer 4 jeans, have our beautiful child and live in our perfect dream home. I want to say how I love to cook and how organized my home is. We have the nicest cars and have all the joy that money can buy. ahhhaaahhahah, it seemed apprioate for a society girl laugh of humerious derision.

because my life is only here because of the grace of God. I’ve been there, done that and am living the chaper 2 of my life. A dirty life, full of reality, hurt and heartache. My marriage isn’t great, we are together because of a decision and have that to hang onto. My anger is an ugly thing I struggle with daily. My precious baby has a rare genetic disorder. God allowed our house to sell before the crash. My barbie-dream home with it’s custom draperies, golf course back yard, and Amana washer and dryer exist only in memories. I now live in my parent’s basement apartment where the water drips in front of the toilet when it rains on my underpants. My hair is not groomed, my hips bear deep stretch marks and my butt retains what seems to be all of the extra 15 lbs I can’t loose from childbirth. Instead of Macy’s, I shop on Craigslist and Target.

But, in spite of everything my heart burns with love and passion like never before. My heart had to be broken to be re-built and shaped. I crave deep relationships with real people who have had hard things happen to them. I long for conversations had over margaritas with close friends and God has given them to me. I love my husband in a way that I never did before, even with our flaws. When I see my child my eyes fill with tears of gratitude that he is alive.

Life didn’t turn out how I hoped or dreamed, it sucks sometimes and I think people are overwhelmed with my being “too real” at times. I hope I make you uncomfortable sometimes because it’s by not being in our perfect little comfort zone that we can really grow and change as people into something more beautiful and loving. I hope that my blog means something to you, it’s a work in progress, I’m not “there” or believe I’ll ever be. I’m living day by day only by the grace and love of God.