My favorite part in Jurassic Park is when the camera focuses on a giant T-Rex foot print and the water pooling in it starts to shake a little. The silence that falls as the characters look in horror at the rippling water, knowing what is heading their way fills me with the same terror and suspense as well.
Tonight I was determined to take a bath, I have heard it’s good for Braxton Hicks and although I nearly HAD this child bending over and scrubbing my bath tub to clean it beforehand, I figured it would be worth it.
Two things I found out tonight: One, I hate baths. I get bored quickly and can’t seem to appreciate the stillness at all. Two, my 30-year-old bathtub is NOT made for 8-month-pregnant women. My thighs were touching the sides and although I know the whole “spreading” and “expanding” thing is normal and good, I felt like crap. I mean, I don’t weigh 200 lbs and with America’s obese crisis I feel like the standard tub should be enlarged to accommodate the obese and pregnant. I guess this is why most new houses have the large jet tubs- not for relaxation as much as fat.
What does this have to do with T-Rex? you ask yourself, wondering if I have indeed lost my mind completely. You are not too far off actually, I have been saying the most absurd things lately, but as this is not what this particular post is about- I will continue.
As I lay in the bathtub wondering how I could convince Ben to give up his closet for me to get a jet tub, I got really still and then noticed that the water was shaking slightly every few seconds. Once I became aware of that I realized it was at the same time the baby kicked me. He was making ripples in my bath. I had an odd sense of connection with him at that moment, the reality that he was a real person with his own thoughts and actions. He seemed like such a real person at that moment that I forgot how uncomfortable I was scrunched in my tub and how I will make millions once I figure out how to make a padded/reclining back to bathtubs. The fact that he will be here sooner than my slightly-in-denial mind can comprehend then gave me a brief moment of panic like the T-Rex was coming. Seriously. His room just got painted, there isn’t any furniture and I have NO CLUE where my 0-3 month clothes and accessories are! I want to be organized and ready for this child and I am no where near. I’m not ready for him yet. HE CAN’T COME OUT!
I breathed through my panic and calmed myself down. I made myself sit there for awhile as the water cooled around me, watching the little life inside of me affect the world outside in a visual way. I thought some deep thoughts that are now forever stripped from my pregnant mind, to be rediscovered at a later time when I’ll have this strange feeling of déjà vu. It was such a real feeling, it was the first time I’ve slowed down enough in a few days to have a feeling like that if that makes any sense. So often I get caught up in moving on to the next task that I don’t take time to just be still and be. It’s funny because when I do take the time I have these amazing moments of clarity and reality that my soul craves… and think of T-Rex.