I can tell I’m on edge, even though I think I’m doing alright, because when I was at Rick’s Bakery last week getting a cake for Ben’s 30th birthday, and a woman was there being very loud and rude, I had to walk into another room to keep from biting her head off. (and she was making Summit start to cry- yes- she was that loud) She was having a heart attack because a cake wasn’t perfect. I mean, there are a ton of cake decorators in the back and if she would have just let the poor girl talk, they could have fixed everything quickly. What made me more furious was that she’s one of Fayetteville’s “elite”, you know, the ones that think they are movie stars and drink martinis every weekend at Bordinos and Theos and go to every single fund raiser to be seen. I wanted to scream at her YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT A CAKE NOT BEING PERFECT WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN IN DARFUR (yes, I’d have used the Darfur card on her) DYING EVERY DAY! MY CHILD WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH _____ AND I’M HANDLING IT BETTER THAT YOU ARE HANDLING A STUPID CAKE! That would have been just hysterical if I had. Screaming at someone that I’m handling something so much better! Wow, I better go remove the forest grove from my eye now.
I’m sure that someone intelligent in the stages of grieving or whatever would intelligently say “ah-haaaaaa!” (like they were making some great discovery)”this is a classic example of such and such stage in the process.” maybe the anger stage? I think that I am playing hot scotch with the different stages of grief. I don’t usually jump to anger, unless it’s over something pointless like a cake, which in turn is very judgmental of me… I am so far from perfect I shouldn’t even attempt to make attempts every now and then to be seen as such. It hurts, deep, I so wish that it was me going through this and not my child. I don’t like being on the sidelines, I want to be the quarterback getting sacked, not the stupid cheerleader pointlessly being optimistic while the score disparity grows more and more. and here I am talking about all things Summit when I said I want to keep it quiet and under wraps. I think if I do that much more I’m going to blow up.