I told a couple of friends about this post and they were a little dismayed with me once again putting way too much out there- “you aren’t overweight!” they kindly said, BUT, although I AM healthy… the government’s standards of height to weight puts me in that category. Anyways I’m working out, so who cares what a flipping number says on a scale RIGHT?! until…
I realize that I REALLY am the biggest person in the room. SNAP.
If you have been reading my posts lately, I decided to start the Couch to 5K because my dad who is in his 60’s is now in much better shape than me and that fired up some deep competitive thing in me… By “Couch to 5K” I mean I’m listening to my body’s cues and sometimes I take the day “off” to do a super intense Body Attack class because I have found that I really push myself harder when I’m around other people doing odd, synchronized things to the beat of a re-mixed track.
It’d be so great here to tell you that I’m super coordinated and, although overweight, I’m shocking people with my grace and fluid like movements BUT… that is so totally not me. Like I said in my previous post about exercise, I ran cross country in high school… but do you want to know why I picked that sport?? You don’t have to have a lot of coordination to run. That is the truth! I knew I could never dribble a basketball, kick a goal, or memorize a cheer so I picked cross country because running 40 miles a week seemed less daunting that trying to do coordinated things…
So, I find myself as an adult, rushing to class to try to get a spot on the back row to confront my freaking fears and so no one will see that I do the wrong hand movements with the right leg movements or that my form on a push-up is so wrong but I can’t figure out how to fix it… Then the little insecure girl inside thinks, if I try really hard and I’m doing it wrong, will that look way more stupid than if I kind of look like a beginner who doesn’t really know the moves and doesn’t try too hard? and then I think “why am I over thinking this? what is wrong with me? I’m going to run up to the front and grab the head set off the instructors head and yell I’m a BEGINNER! I’m know I’m not coordinated! I’m facing my fears of pretty, skinny people without underwear lines and what kind of magical underwear are you using that leaves no lines? Is there a secret underwear that I need to know about?!!”
and then I’m tripping over my feet, snapped back from crazy to reality, laughing at myself and thinking that maybe I should just stick to running. 
I’d love (this crazy girl NEEDS!) some support, comments and please link me up to your own stories about insecurities, exercise or health! Thanks!